


Dani California

by njostn



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Aaron Minyard Centric, Aaron Minyard is Important, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Aaron Minyard, California, Childhood Trauma, Hurt Neil Josten, M/M, Neil Josten as Nathaniel Wesninski, POV Aaron Minyard, Sad with a Happy Ending, Song: Dani California, mentions of abuse, once again, someone had to write something so i did
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:41:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23378563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/njostn/pseuds/njostn
Summary: Aaron Minyard saved Neil Josten in more ways than he thought.But what happens in California stays in California.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Aaron Minyard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 42





	Dani California

**Author's Note:**

> hey there. this is another aaron/neil fic and it's a little sad i think. enjoy.

_ San José, California _

_ 04 July 2017 _

_ \- - - _

The air was heavy with the smell of alcohol. The humidity made everything stick to Nathaniel’s skin. He shouldn’t have been out of the house in the first place, but it was the fourth of July. This meant that when Mary left their makeshift house at five that night, she wouldn’t be home until the next day. Nathaniel took the time he had and he left. He realized how terrible it was when he found himself in a dark alleyway where people would not stop touching and grabbing him. They would talk, voices husky and breath smelling of beer. Their touch left grimy fingerprints up and down his arms, back, and anywhere else they felt they needed to touch.

He had a switchblade. He always did. All someone had to do was touch him one wrong way and they would be dead. But his mother would be furious, his fuck up just another piece of evidence that would lead Nathan to them. It was another lock on his casket. 

Someone grabbed his hand, and he went to rip it out of their grasp, but there was barely one there. It was a light, feminine touch. Something he had never received even from his mother. “Hey, you’ve never been around here, have you?” Nathaniel shook his head. “I know. That was rhetorical. I have somewhere we can go, if you were doing what I think you were.”

Nathaniel wasn’t sure his voice would work, so he trusted his legs would instead. He squinted, trying to make out who exactly he was talking to. They were taller than him. Barely, but they were. The lighting was too dim to make out anything else. “My mom doesn’t want me outside, but she gets loud sometimes and I need to leave. So this is where I go.” Nathaniel’s eyes adjusted as light filtered into the abandoned building. “Sometimes we all need somewhere to get away. Somewhere quiet.” 

The boy was quiet, staring at Neil with a sudden intensity, “I’m Aaron. Now you have to tell me your name.”

Nathaniel slid his back down the wall as the crackles of fireworks echoed. Nathaniel jumped, finally looking towards the boy speaking to him. “I don’t like my name.”

“If you tell me your name, I can give you a nickname. That way whenever you use it, you only think of me and not your dad.”

Nathaniel took a deep breath, “I’m Nathaniel. It has Nathan in it, which makes me mad. I’m not like him. I never will be.”

“Hey, I believe you.”

Nathaniel looked at his outstretched hand, taking it hesitantly. Aaron intertwined their fingers, “Neil.”

“What?” Nathaniel asked, tilting his head to show his confusion.

Aaron smiled, kicking his leg lightly. “Your nickname,” he said, “it’s Neil. You already answered to it. I think it’s great.”

“Neil,” he said, turning it over in his mouth, feeling it in his tongue. “I…” Aaron stared at him with wide eyes, expectant. “I love it. Thank you, Aaron.”

From that moment the two vowed to be best friends, even though Neil had never even had a friend before. Neil would sneak out and find Aaron waiting for him in the abandoned building. Neil never had to wait for Aaron, and he was glad. It reminded him that someone did care to wait for him and to be there. 

Neil and Aaron talked about Neil’s past. He never said his father was Nathan Wesninski, but he did say he was a piece of shit man. With some hesitation, he showed Aaron the burn mark from where his father smacked his shoulder with an iron. He talked about his mother, how all she wanted was to protect him. 

He told Aaron the rules she had set for him. Aaron quirked an eyebrow when he listed off not talking to girls. 

“Is that what I am to you?”

Neil was confused. “A girl?” he asked.

“No, silly,” Aaron shook his head. “What your mom thinks you’d have with a girl. Like a girlfriend.”

“What do you mean?” Neil chewed on the inside of his cheek as Aaron smiled.

“Am I your boyfriend, Neil?”

“That’s allowed?” he asked.

“Of course it is. Boys can like boys and girls can like girls. At least, that’s what my cousin Nicky says. He’s annoying but he’s right.”

“What does it mean? Having a boyfriend.” Neil stared at Aaron, who slowly took his hand.

“It means,” he said, tracing shapes on Neil’s palm, “that we can hold hands and call each other cute names and hug each other all we want.”

“Don’t we already do that?” Neil asked, shivering as Aaron’s fingers moved from his palm to his wrist.

“Well, yeah. But I can call you my boyfriend. And maybe you can meet my mom. Well, I’ll have to ask her. But maybe!”

“Aaron, I- Okay.”

“Really?” Aaron asked, fingers lingering above his shoulder

“Yes. Of course,” Neil said. Aaron smiled and leaned forward, burying his head into Neil’s shoulder. 

“Thank you, Neil.”

They were inseparable. It didn’t help that Neil struggled to understand what he needed to do as a boyfriend. All he could think about was how disappointed his mom would be if she found out.  _ When _ she found out. 

Every other day he would show up to meet Aaron. Every time, he had a plan on how to let him go, how to say goodbye.

But when he walked in, Aaron would just smile at him and he’d sit down and pat the floor next to him. They would take turns talking, even though Neil would give anything to listen to Aaron talk.

Of course, Neil worried that one day he wouldn’t show up, but he didn’t think it would be so soon. Neil pondered over whether he should wait for Aaron or if he wasn’t going to show up at all. He stubbornly sat on the ground and waited.

And waited.

And waited some more.

He waited until the sky was dark and the people had disappeared. An eerie silence blanketed the building and Neil didn’t dare move. There was a small cough outside and the shuffle of feet getting closer. Neil buried his head in his knees, praying that no one found him. He made himself as small as possible, as if it would somehow change his fate.

The door creaked open and Neil’s breathing stopped, his heart pounding and blood rushing through his ears.

“Hey Neil,” Aaron croaked, and Neil looked up to see his tear stained face.

Neil forced his legs to wake up and to stand to talk to Aaron. “What happened?” he asked as Aaron fell into his arms. 

“I have a brother. A twin. An identical fucking twin. But…” he sniffled, cutting himself off.

“But what, Aaron?” Neil accepted the silence that followed his question, letting Aaron lean into him until he was decent. 

“Tilda-my mom- gave him up, and I thought maybe we could live together. That we could be a family. But he hasn’t answered any of my letters. I thought I found something, Neil.” Aaron furiously rubbed at his eyes, his cheeks. “I find out I have a brother and I think maybe things will turn around. But he’s just like everyone else.”

Neil let Aaron cry until there were no tears left to fall. “Hey,” he whispered, lifting Aaron’s head away from his shoulder. “You have me. You’ll always have me.”

“Even when you leave?”  _ Even when I leave? _ Neil heard it in his voice, but he didn’t want to say anything. He nodded and Aaron smiled as tears ran over his cheeks to his lips, and dripped down his chin onto his neck.

“If I leave- If either of us leave California, I promise I’ll find you. You’re the only person I really know. I’m not going to lose you. Not… Not now, okay?”

Aaron nodded, “I think I love you.”

Neil hadn’t ever heard those words spoken aloud. He’d read them in the few books he could find, on billboards and ads, but he had never been told that someone loved him. 

Aaron noticed his silence, “You don’t have to say it back. It’s stupid, I know.”

“It’s not. It’s not stupid.” Neil sucked in a shallow breath, “I know I love you.”

From that moment on, it was like something was unlocked in Aaron and Neil. They talked about everything. There were no secrets between them. Or none that they knew of. Neil talked about his mom, and in turn, Aaron talked about his. They would comfort each other, soft touches and quiet talking and light kisses to foreheads. When they were together, everything else melted away. There was a bubble around them, protecting them from the outside, from their family, from their cruel thoughts. 

They were Aaron and Neil, Neil and Aaron. And that’s all they had to be.

They were Aaron and Neil, Neil and Aaron. And they were in love.

The next morning, Neil woke up underneath Aaron, hands tucked under his shirt and Aaron’s hair in his mouth. Light trickled through the boarded up windows and Neil carefully moved Aaron off of him. He had to get back before his mother noticed he was gone. Aaron groaned at the loss of warmth. “Aaron, you have to wake up. Tilda’s probably waiting.”

“Shit. I don’t remember falling asleep.”

Neil laughed, although painfully, “Yeah. You know I wouldn’t have if I had the choice. My mom is going to kill me.”

Aaron chewed on his lip, pushing Neil towards the door. “Not if I have anything to do with it,” he said. 

Neil’s hand lingered on the door handle, not moving to open it. “I don’t want to go,” he whispered, his heart at the bottom of his stomach.

“You’ll be back. I love you. Now go before Mary kills you.”

Except Neil wouldn’t be back. Not because Mary killed him. No, it was far worse. Neil had never wished to be dead more than he did when he went back to see Mary standing, fists clenched and nostrils flaring. Her eyes were on fire and she spoke in a deadly tone, “You’re the reason he’s on our trail. You’re the reason I’m going to die. Get your stuff. I found a car and we’re leaving. Right. Now.”

Neil’s stomach churned, his chest tightening. His nose burned as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. With his mouth dry and lips unmoving, Neil grabbed his duffel, flattened his hair down, and left their makeshift house. Mary was already waiting in the car, jaw locked and eyes staring straight ahead. Neil didn’t talk when he got in the car. He put his seat belt on, turned the key, and listened to the car quietly roar to life. He didn’t know where to go, but he turned left at the end of their street. He passed where he had been with Aaron only ten minutes prior. A head of blond hair could be seen exiting the alleway and turning to walk on the sidewalk. Neil started to silently pray, hoping that Aaron would look his way so he could say he was  _ sorry, he wanted to go back. _ His throat itched and he felt claustrophobic. Even with nothing in the car beside him, his mom, his bag, and his mom’s bag, it still felt cramped. It was too tight to think, too tight to breathe. “Breathe, stupid boy,” his mother said. This wasn’t unusual for her to say.

“Sorry, mom.”

She tightened her hands on the end of her dress. “I know you are,” she said. “I just need you to be careful. Everything I do is to keep you safe, and you throw it away like it’s nothing.”

“I… Okay, mom. I’m sorry.” His eyes filled with tears again as he made his way to the freeway. “Where are we going?” he asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

“Seattle. You know the way.” Neil nodded his head as the two fell back into a too heavy silence. He couldn’t stop thinking about Aaron, about how he had hurt him. This was why his mother told him not to interact with girls, he thought. All it did was cause pain. It was extra baggage. He wanted to close his eyes, to let himself be still. To go back to how he felt the night before. 

But he was on the road again, running from his past. Running in the opposite direction of the only person who had ever loved him. 

Aaron’s words rang in his mind as he sped up slightly. His mother’s nails dug into his arm. “No need to rush it, Nathaniel,” she whispered. Her voice sent chills up his spine, his hair prickling at the scalp.

_ Even when you leave?  _ Aaron had asked.

_ Even when I leave.  _ Neil had reassured him. 

\- - -

Neil’s mom grunted in the seat next to him. “I told you he would find us!” she yelled, coughing as she gripped her side in pain. Her hand came away covered in blood. 

“Mom, I told you I was sorry! It’s not my fault!” Neil wanted to cry. He was so stressed. His mom had just been shot. She told him to run. He should have ran. But he needed her and she needed him. 

Mary hunched over suddenly, coughing as a string of red spit left her mouth. The hand that was previously gripping Neil’s leg was now used to wipe the blood away from her mouth. “You need to pull over. Take that exit.” Neil hesitated, brain jumbled from the events of the past 12 hours. “Nathaniel! I said take that exit!”

Tires screeching, Neil jerked the wheel to the right. There was a bump as they went over a patch of grass. “Jesus Christ, you never listen. I should have left you with him.”

Neil bit his tongue until he tasted the copper tang of blood. “Where am I supposed to go?”

“The Beach. Now.”

The sky was dark. At three in the morning, no one would be there to witness anything. They wouldn’t hear his mother screaming, whether it was because of him or the pain. Her hand went back to gripping his thigh as he drove to where the asphalt met the sand. “Farther,” she commanded. Neil listened, pulling forward until they were completely on the sand. 

Mary was silent, her grip gone on his leg now. “Mom?” Neil asked, quietly at first. Then he screamed, “Mom!” 

Her eyes were glossed over, clouds in a sky blue sky. “Mom, c’mon!” He shook her, then took his hands away from her body. They were stained red.

He checked her pulse.

Dead.

Neil’s hands shook as he tried to move his mother’s body from the car. There was rust-colored blood stuck to the seat and staining the door. His mother was glued to the seat with blood and sweat. He gagged lightly as he heard the tear of her skin from the seat. He looked at the car, the remnants of a death scene.

He couldn’t keep the car. Not in the state it was in. And not with the way his mom was lying there, dead.

He stared at her cold eyes before gagging again. The stench of rotting blood clogged his nose until he couldn’t breathe. 

He had to step back from the car to be able to take a good breath. He bent over, hands on his knees, wheezing. His throat itched and so did his nose but the tears never came. He wanted- no he needed- to cry. He grabbed his duffel and tok whatever he deemed important from his mother’s.

When the tears finally came, it was when he was grabbing the tank of gas from the trunk of the car. His vision blurred as he emptied the gasoline onto the car. His eyes stung and he covered his nose with his shirt. He doused his mother’s body, lighting a match and throwing it into the car. He quickly shuffled backwards, knuckles white as he tugged on the strap of his bag. He watched as the car was engulfed in flames. He sat in the sand, head in his knees and hands shaking. 

The wind picked up and Neil cursed the weather. He wanted to leave, but he had to bury his other’s bones. He had to.

Once the fire died and the car was just ashes, Neil retrieved what was left of his mom. The waves crashed in the background as he put her bones into her duffle, zipping it up to secure them. He dug a hole with his aching hands. Sand lodged itself under his fingernails, but he didn’t stop until he had a deep enough spot to bury her. He only let two tears fall. One for what was lost, and one for the fear of his future.

He didn’t have a plan. He could fly to Germany, but they had been there too long. Someone would recognize him. 

His mother would know what to do.

There was a memory in his legs as he walked away from the beach. He walked until the sun was rising and his joints burned. He walked back to the familiar neighborhood where his life had changed. Neil was back where everything started, where he messed everything up.

It had been two weeks. He knew Aaron wouldn’t be there, but he wanting him to be so badly.

“Please,” he whispered as he opened the door.

It was empty.  _ Of course it was empty. _

Neil was willing to wait all day for Aaron. He was going to. But a piece of paper fluttered to the ground and Neil picked it up. With every inhale, his lungs felt like they were filling with shattered glass.

He shoved the letter in his pocket, not bothering to read the entire thing. All he knew was it was to him and from Aaron. 

This was all his fault and he couldn’t do anything about it. Aaron was gone and Neil was too. 

Neil stumbled his way out of the building, not bothering to be quiet. He could be found now. There was no point not to be.

_ Even when you leave?  _ The question rang through his ears like static. He tightened his fist around the strap of his bag and found the closest bus stop. He waited and got onto the first one to arrive. He paid with shaking hands and sat in the back, looking out the window and hiding his face from anyone who could possibly see him. 

He didn’t have a plan, but he didn’t need one. Not now. 

After seven changes of buses, Neil found himself walking the streets of Arizona. He found a vacant house in a small village with no one but elderly people who never left their houses.

Millport was decent. Decent was perfect for Neil. He was off the grid, somewhere no one would ever think to look. He took his papers to the high school the following week, applying to join for his senior year.

As he was walking out, he was stopped by a bulky man. “Sorry to bother you, newbie, but you don’t by chance play exy, do you?”

Neil swallowed, “No sir, I do not.”

The man clapped his hand on Neil’s shoulder, “Tell me your name, kid.”

Neil’s lips were numb, “Neil. Neil Josten.”

“How do you feel about learning how to play striker for our team? We’re short a player and you look fast. You have the build.”

“I guess I can,” Neil dropped off, searching for a name somewhere on the man's body.

“Hernandez. Practice starts next week Josten. Don’t be late.”

He disappeared as quickly as he appeared, and Neil’s entire body was frigid. His mother was cursing him all the way from her grave in California. He needed to learn how to keep his mouth shut, how to say no. But he hadn’t played exy in 7 years, it couldn’t hurt that badly, could it? And with his contacts and hair dye, he would be fine.

He found the local library and logged on to one of the computers, researching Millport’s exy team. There was nothing special about them that would bring the eyes of the press. They were good, but not good enough. Neil nodded slowly, closing all of his tabs and leaving hurriedly. 

This was a shot in the dark. He’d have to pay for his gear which only took away from his dwindling amount of money. Life on the run would have been easier if he wasn’t so easy to spot. Part of him believed his father gave him the scars he had because they would make finding Neil easier. But in seven years, Nathan had yet to retrieve him, and Neil was thankful.

When he went to sleep that night, he couldn’t help but replay the events of his mother’s death and his timely meeting with Hernandez. His mother would have left marks from her nails along his limbs if she had known. If it was up to her, he wouldn’t have any limbs.

He was a terrible son, but he needed something to do. The opportunity came to him, and he took it happily. 

The next week at practice, Neil showed off how fast he was and Hernandez would ask, “Are you sure you haven’t played exy before, son?”

Neil’s heart would stop, but not before he made a fool of himself. “Never in my life, coach.”

The next week was when they got the lineup and game schedule. Games were on Friday nights and the team had to be at the school at 5:00 for home games and 5:30 for away games.

“Starting lineup. Everyone stand and step forward when I call your name.”

Neil’s eyes nervously raked over the small crowd who showed up to the announcements. Hernandez had asked if his parents would be there. He told him they were out of town.

“Starting goalies are Clay Johnson and Beatriz Castro. Backliners are Derek Yates, Luke Griffin…”

Neil drowned Hernandez’s voice out, not wanting to hear their names anymore. “Starting strikers are Neil Josten and…” Neil’s blood rushed through his ears as he stepped forward. A few people whispered and he could feel the blood leaving his face. Hernandez clapped his hands and dismissed them. Neil went back to the locker room, grabbed his duffel, and ran. He ran until his legs felt engulfed in flames and his knees ached. His muscles strained and sweat pooled on his forehead, his lungs constricting any air from entering.

He should have been happy. He  _ was  _ happy. Isn’t this what he wanted?

But it wasn’t what his mom wanted. He needed to tell Hernandez that he couldn’t do it, that he wasn’t good enough to start. But he feared it was too late. 

He was an official part of Millport’s exy team and he planned to play until he had to leave Arizona for good. It was risky, but he couldn’t stop himself. He dug through his duffle and laid out his clothes for the next day. He heard the crinkle of paper in his pocket as he took off his jeans. He folded them into his bag and took the note out. The front where his name was written was smudged from where Neil had rubbed a finger over it.

Seeing his name in writing- in  _ Aaron’s _ writing- was enough to keep him alive, enough to keep him human.

Aaron was the only thing he had left, and he didn’t even know his last name.

At night, Neil let the memories crash over him like the waves on the shores of California. He would finally let himself think about Aaron and what it was like to feel loved. He would think about the warm feeling he got in his chest and the tingles he felt in his arm as Aaron traced his fingers in intricate geometric patterns.

He would take himself back to the night Aaron talked about being boyfriends, back to the night when Aaron told him about his brother. When Neil thought of Aaron, well, it felt like he was as normal as anyone else in the world. 

But then it all came right back down. He hadn’t seen Aaron in almost two months. The underlying understanding was that he’d never see him again.

And Neil wasn’t sure if he could handle a life without Aaron.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. this has been on my mind ever since i thought of it, and i had to get it out before i never finished the first chapter.  
> the hope is to write three more but that might change to one.  
> thank you again. love you xx


End file.
